DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband claims that he supports my career as a lawyer in big law; however, he gets irritated when I work late.
He says he feels like I don’t have time for him and that I always put my job first over everything.
I work extremely long hours, sometimes staying at the office past 9 or 10 p.m., and occasionally I even have to log back on once I get home. While I understand that my schedule isn’t ideal, it’s still early in my career, and I feel a lot of pressure to prove myself and build a strong reputation at my firm.
Lately, his comments have started to feel less like concern and more like resentment. If I tell him I have to stay late, he’ll sigh, make passive-aggressive remarks, or become distant for the rest of the evening. On weekends, when I occasionally need to catch up on work, he seems annoyed before I even open my laptop.
It makes me feel guilty for pursuing something I worked so hard to achieve.
I love my husband and don’t want him to feel neglected, but I also don’t want to dim my ambitions or jeopardize my career trajectory. How do I balance my marriage and career?
— Off Balance
DEAR OFF BALANCE: Have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Be transparent about what it will continue to take for you to grow in this career.
Tell him that you want it but that you don’t want him to resent you along the way. Come up with ideas on how you can carve out time for each other. Point out that you will sometimes have to work on weekends and will continue to have to work late a lot, but you can still steal away for dates or plan date nights at home.
Do your best to keep any time commitments with him and be fully present when you are together.
DEAR HARRIETTE: For my recent 40th birthday, my mom gave me a gold ring that was my grandmother’s. My mom had worn it for the past 20 years, and I’d often told her that one day I would love for it to be mine.
Unfortunately, I lost it within a week.
I needed to get it resized but hadn’t made the appointment yet. I have turned my house upside down looking for it. I’ve checked every sink drain, coat pocket, purse, even my car seats. I retraced my steps from the day I last remember wearing it. I called the few places I visited, and I asked friends if they happened to see it fall off.
I feel absolutely sick over this. The ring meant so much to my mom, and now I’m terrified to tell her it’s gone.
Part of me keeps hoping it will magically turn up somewhere, but another part knows I may have to accept that it’s really lost.
I don’t know how to begin that conversation with her. I feel irresponsible and embarrassed, especially since she trusted me with something so sentimental.
Should I tell her right away or wait a little longer in case it turns up? If it’s truly gone, how do I even begin to make this right?
— Devastating
DEAR DEVASTATING: Take a deep breath and tell your mother now. It will be hard. She will be hurt, but holding on to this information will not make it better. Tell her and deal with it together.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
