DEAR ABBY: My niece recently received her doctorate, and I have been invited to a celebration. A bakery will be catering the meal.
I have celiac disease, which means I have dietary restrictions (no wheat) that my family is aware of because another niece also has celiac. The bakery is small and is located in a small rural community. I tried looking up their menu online without success.
How do I handle this? Should I bring my own food to the celebration? I inquired and was told they will have a baked potato on the menu. Should I not attend or attend and have only the baked potato? I like baked potatoes, but I would probably need more to eat than that.
Should I bring up my dietary restrictions prior to the celebration or drive the four-hour round trip in silence?
— RESTRICTED IN OHIO
DEAR RESTRICTED: It says in the Bible, “Seek and ye shall find.” Because the bakery doesn’t have an online presence doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a telephone. Use it, tell them about your dietary needs and ask if you can be accommodated beyond a baked potato. You may be pleasantly surprised, especially since you aren’t the only relative who has dietary restrictions.
However, if the answer is no, bring something along you CAN eat and consume it near the end of your four-hour drive rather than suffer in silence.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married for 19 years to my second husband, “Jack.” Our children are grown.
When we met, I was a business owner, and he was retired. He has had numerous medical issues and procedures, and I have always insured him on my health plans and been his advocate.
We have always had separate bank accounts and a household account we equally contribute to. Jack has numerous CDs and funds that he manages. We do not commingle those funds. I have never asked for money from him and have always contributed to any of the household needs.
I still work full time and recently began receiving my Social Security, which I’m banking for my retirement as I don’t anticipate receiving any of Jack’s money. Maybe I will, but I need to be proactive on my own behalf.
Jack is now seeing my increased income and wants me to contribute a larger portion of my salary to the household account.
I don’t think his expectation is fair or warranted. I do most of the household and yard chores since he has become limited in his ability and strength. Please advise.
— WORKING GAL IN WASHINGTON
DEAR WORKING GAL: The way you have described it, your marriage seems more like a business relationship than a partnership.
If you are included in your husband’s estate plans, you should know what they are. Because you don’t know any details, and you may need those funds later, you should discuss this with your financial adviser before putting any of your retirement money into the household account.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
