DEAR HARRIETTE: A few weeks ago, my cat went missing. I put up flyers around the neighborhood, posted on local social media pages and walked around calling her name.
Then, a few days ago, I spotted her sitting in my neighbor’s window just two houses down.
I’m absolutely certain it’s her: same markings, same collar, and when she saw me, she perked up and tried to get my attention.
I knocked on their door to ask about it, but they acted confused and said it was a stray they recently took in. I know my cat, and I’m 100% sure she didn’t just wander in and decide to live with someone else.
I’m torn because I want to confront them, but I’m afraid of causing tension or making things worse. I live here, too, and don’t want ongoing hostility.
How do I go about asking for my cat back without starting a neighborhood feud? Should I involve the authorities or try to resolve it peacefully? I just want my pet home where she belongs.
— My Cat
DEAR MY CAT: If you are certain that is your cat, it is time to go to the police.
Clearly, your neighbors have decided that your cat now belongs to them. Rather than attempting to reason with people who are unwilling to accept that the “stray” cat they found wasn’t actually a stray, get the local authorities involved to handle the situation. If you had your cat chipped when you adopted it, that will be all the proof you need.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I got myself into a bit of a pickle.
I am a single dad, and now that my daughter’s a bit older and I’ve gotten a better hang of the whole dad thing, I’ve started dating again.
In the past year or so, I’ve met a few women, and along the way I decided that I would not discuss my daughter until I knew I was interested in pursuing something serious.
The most recent woman I was seeing is great, and as things began to pick up, I decided that I wanted to tell her about my daughter and my role as her primary caretaker.
I called to invite her out, and she immediately asked me why I had never mentioned my daughter. Apparently, she found out from my social media, which I never shared with her.
I tried to explain that I don’t bring up my daughter until I’m serious, but that seemed to pour salt in the wound. She thinks I’m a liar or that I’m not a proud father, which is not the case!
This is a woman I really connected with. How can I show her that I’m being genuine? Should I just cut my losses and move on?
— Dating Dad
DEAR DATING DAD: There is no rule about what to tell your dates about yourself and your family. You are not wrong to want to protect your child’s identity and privacy until you get to know someone.
That said, if you post about your child on social media, you must assume others already know she exists. It is understandable that your date would question why you kept this a secret from her.
State your case about wanting to protect your child from any new person. Add that you are telling her now because you do care about her.
She can be angry or choose to grow in a relationship with you. It is her choice now. Let her know what you want so your message is clear.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
